What to do when a spouse dies checklist
When a spouse dies, the first days are about people, not paperwork. Then, in order: request several certified death certificates from the funeral home, find the will, notify the social security office and ask about survivor benefits, contact employers and insurers, notify banks, and keep paying essential bills. Many other tasks can wait weeks. Ask an estate lawyer about probate, and let people help.
Why it matters: Paperwork arrives at the worst time, and an order makes it manageable.
Steps
- Take the first days for yourself and your family; most paperwork can wait a week.
- Ask the funeral home for several certified copies of the death certificate.
- Find the will and any letter of instructions, and contact the named executor.
- Notify the social security office and ask what survivor benefits you may be eligible for.
- Contact your spouse's employer about final pay and benefits, and life insurers to start claims.
- Notify banks, keeping joint accounts open for bills, and keep paying essential bills.
- Ask an estate lawyer whether probate is needed and what to do first in your state.
- Make a list of what is done and what is waiting, and share it with someone helping you.
Stop and call a professional if
- an estate lawyer should advise on probate, debts and the will
- the social security office should confirm survivor benefits; do not rely on estimates from others
- grief is overwhelming daily life: a grief counselor or your clinician can help, and in a crisis call or text 988 in the US
Questions to ask the professional
- Does this estate need probate here, and what are the first steps?
- Which survivor benefits am I eligible for, and when can they start?
Common mistakes
- Trying to do everything in the first week.
- Closing joint accounts that pay essential bills too soon.
- Making large financial decisions in the first months.
Outside the US or in another state: Rules for wills, proxies, beneficiaries, name changes and divorce are set by each US state; outside the US they differ again, so check with a local lawyer or official service.
Teach this to someone
A one page sheet for showing a friend, a teenager or a parent: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: What to do when a spouse dies checklist
What to say
When a spouse dies, the first days are about people, not paperwork. Then, in order: request several certified death certificates from the funeral home, find the will, notify the social security office and ask about survivor benefits, contact employers and insurers, notify banks, and keep paying essential bills. Many other tasks can wait weeks. Ask an estate lawyer about probate, and let people help.
What to show
- Take the first days for yourself and your family; most paperwork can wait a week.
- Ask the funeral home for several certified copies of the death certificate.
- Find the will and any letter of instructions, and contact the named executor.
- Notify the social security office and ask what survivor benefits you may be eligible for.
- Contact your spouse's employer about final pay and benefits, and life insurers to start claims.
- Notify banks, keeping joint accounts open for bills, and keep paying essential bills.
- Ask an estate lawyer whether probate is needed and what to do first in your state.
- Make a list of what is done and what is waiting, and share it with someone helping you.
Where it stops
Stop and call a professional if an estate lawyer should advise on probate, debts and the will.
Check question
What will you need many copies of?
Answer: Certified death certificates. Banks, insurers and agencies each ask for one.
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Sources
- US social security program publications on survivor benefits, 2026. Reviewed September 28, 2026.
- US state bar association consumer guides on wills and estate planning, 2026. Reviewed September 28, 2026.
Written in our own words from the sources above. It is general information, not advice for your situation; where a professional, your doctor or your lease says something different, follow them.
Last reviewed . First published .